these few weeks been feeling like shit, some deep DEEp shit, felt like giving up and the idea of hurting myself was in mind, and thats not like me at all, like SERIOUSLY..., i'm always so fuking happy-go-lucky and nothing could make me down and misrable, but this few weeks been feeling like the opposite and just everything i do seems like shit, or wrong of something.
school's been a pain in the ass too, if i miss one class, the rest of my week would suck like trash. really the things i try to do and did, wasnt good enough for my teachers, everything i do is wrong, nvr felt like dirt in my life. making me wanna quit and just go back home.
Every morning i wake up and it feels like a bad hang-over, and i keep telling myself that i'm not going to schl today, but i'm still moving towards the shower and getting ready and i kept saying to myself " i'm not going to schl today..", even on the way in the subway...every morning is a drag for me now...and my home life is even adding misrable ingredient splatters all over my life. my close friend was mad at me and made me feel even shitter and we had our first fight seriouly for a second but everything worked out in the end. and my other close friend is going back to his home in a week, and i dont know wat t do wifout him at home. really gonna miss him though, will see him aft that anyways..hopefully..
And to add in all this i'm soooo f***in' homesick. i miss my mama dearly and my best friends, i feel distance from them but its aite we'r all still cool, i can live wi that i guess....it doesnt seem as fun as it was than before. but art is keeping me alive.
i realise that now...that art is really my true passion, i may not be the greatest artist in the f***in' world, but i am ONE of the artist in the world. last night i had the epifeny to do something in my life that i tink now is a more beautiful thing than before. this may sound stupid to yo'll but to me, its a beautiful thing to have.i was watching "Miami ink" last might and i just realise that having a sleeve-full of tatts is beautiful, and it would inspire me to do the same. it would reflect my whole life and whole life to come into body art. i have always been fasinated by bodyart. i know tattoo'in is a typical thing and is been going on for years, and almost everybody has them, but as a young artist its another inspiration, because i myself dont have any tatts, but has inspired to have SOME, not one but SOME. its against my religion to have this art, but i am not against'in my religion. ( i know i'm gonna get alil religious here, but its part of me so..) Allah knows that i love art, all kinds of art, he know my life has grown up wif art, so hopefully i will not be sin'd to have them. some people may not understand the way i tink and may think its stupid but i AM passionate about art, and i think beyond art.
What is art?................................I AM ART.
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