a change of state and mind... the art of being.

these few weeks been feeling like shit, some deep DEEp shit, felt like giving up and the idea of hurting myself was in mind, and thats not like me at all, like SERIOUSLY..., i'm always so fuking happy-go-lucky and nothing could make me down and misrable, but this few weeks been feeling like the opposite and just everything i do seems like shit, or wrong of something.
school's been a pain in the ass too, if i miss one class, the rest of my week would suck like trash. really the things i try to do and did, wasnt good enough for my teachers, everything i do is wrong, nvr felt like dirt in my life. making me wanna quit and just go back home.

Every morning i wake up and it feels like a bad hang-over, and i keep telling myself that i'm not going to schl today, but i'm still moving towards the shower and getting ready and i kept saying to myself " i'm not going to schl today..", even on the way in the subway...every morning is a drag for me now...and my home life is even adding misrable ingredient splatters all over my life. my close friend was mad at me and made me feel even shitter and we had our first fight seriouly for a second but everything worked out in the end. and my other close friend is going back to his home in a week, and i dont know wat t do wifout him at home. really gonna miss him though, will see him aft that anyways..hopefully..
And to add in all this i'm soooo f***in' homesick. i miss my mama dearly and my best friends, i feel distance from them but its aite we'r all still cool, i can live wi that i guess....it doesnt seem as fun as it was than before. but art is keeping me alive.

i realise that now...that art is really my true passion, i may not be the greatest artist in the f***in' world, but i am ONE of the artist in the world. last night i had the epifeny to do something in my life that i tink now is a more beautiful thing than before. this may sound stupid to yo'll but to me, its a beautiful thing to have.i was watching "Miami ink" last might and i just realise that having a sleeve-full of tatts is beautiful, and it would inspire me to do the same. it would reflect my whole life and whole life to come into body art. i have always been fasinated by bodyart. i know tattoo'in is a typical thing and is been going on for years, and almost everybody has them, but as a young artist its another inspiration, because i myself dont have any tatts, but has inspired to have SOME, not one but SOME. its against my religion to have this art, but i am not against'in my religion. ( i know i'm gonna get alil religious here, but its part of me so..) Allah knows that i love art, all kinds of art, he know my life has grown up wif art, so hopefully i will not be sin'd to have them. some people may not understand the way i tink and may think its stupid but i AM passionate about art, and i think beyond art.

What is art?................................I AM ART.

Day 3: 2nd semester...

Since my 2nd semester has started its been going really slow and heavy, but i'm hopeing things will be better, cause i'm beginning feel like i'm wasting my mummy's money, and that is kinda dissapointing me atm, but i'm trying to be positive as i possbly can. Its too bad to hear that my friend EunYoung might not b coming back to nyfa, i wanted to get to know more about her, she's really sweet. However i am pleased to say i have meet another korean friend tat i can always visit in korea hehe...

Speaking of friends, i miss mine..sooo f****in' much. i feel soo useless without them ahhaha, too many to miss is too heavy for my brain aahha...The twins, azie,soon,iz,kim,jun,sarah,rly,cho,,myra,choi..and so the list goes on...God i miss home too F***in' much, just 3 more months or so in counting...IN COUNTING~...hehe...
Although, here i have found some real friends that have became very close to me. my friend Alan from DR hahaha, he's been such a charming fellow, always know how to make me smile and such a happy-go-lucky person, and my other friend GIANNI ( which i use to call him johnny by mistake hahaha), has been living in my apartment for about a month or so, and i have made closer friends with him than my own roommate. they have been like my brothers, taking care of me by making me feel like home here hahaha..even though they're not from here. very passionate people, i must say.
its weird how i always can make great friends wif guys like that hahah, but never lucky enough to have a boyfriend..sick of being single, its that stage of my teen years where single life is not an option anymore hahahahha...but i guess i'll still be waiting for that someone still, whoever he may be...COME NOW AND FIND ME DANMIT hahahaha...i mean i'm in new york for Allah's sake, is there noone for me out there??...noone noone noone~ can get in the wat i feel for U~ UU~ ahhaha..anyways gtg, i got schl again tomorow baie, sooo tired...hopefully tomorow will be a good day...ciao

2 of my latest work for 2008..

Holiday break..take 1..

so its the 2nd day of my holiday break and its just al about chilled out rite about now, yesterday just spent time at home ( i know sounds sad but its chillied) was in my painting mode all day, finished painting Christina Aguilera's portrait (cause she's my idol..) and i'm proud of my work for once in a while haha..and at night i watched DOOMSDAYS with my friend johnny and magda in my apt till like 4 in the freaking morning, the movie sucked, it was aite but ...noh~..aft that i was too excited to go back to sleep so i watched half of a movie called "Vampire diary" which even sucked more hahahha, then it was sunrise and i went to sleep..weird...

but that reminded me about the times i was with my boys just hanging out till sunrise just chillin hahahaha, i do mis them dearly. talked to one of em today, very suprisingly he was online, trickd me and made me feel palui but it was nice to talk to him and catch up hahhah (aka Tina) ahhaha...and i talk to another dear buddy of mine fr like hours hahaha, it was hilariously funny ahahha, i always enjoy his conversations wif me, we'r like family. i didnt even realise that i didnt had my dinner and it was already midnight hahaha, funny how time flies by u sooo quickly. i also did talk to a new friend of mine here i met in nyfa, and i'll be hanging wif him molo to watch Ironman, cant wait to watch ironman...Robert Downey Jr. is hot in that movie haaha, but too old for my age hahha...anyways hopefuly tomorow will be fun.